Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
…And satisfaction brought it back. I’ve been wondering who reads this blog and why and if I know you and all that good stuff. So just this once can you humor me with a comment. I’m dreadful at commenting on other people’s blogs, so I don’t fault you for not commenting on mine. But please, just this once?
There, now that I have that out of my system I’ll post these pictures of Havilah and the mop bucket:
And these of our afternoon with Mae Wahn last Sunday.
Notice the bear in the back ground leaning way in to kiss his forehead?
Okay, now you can comment.
Thanks for reading, my rambles and keeping me in your prayers.
Monday, January 16, 2012
We woke up to cold this morning. No, nothing like cold in Wisconsin, of which I’m used to. It’s an unhandy kind of cold. Just cold enough to make Havilah’s nose run and the floors too cold for her to play on unless I put a blanket down first. Still, she wanted to be held, just because it was warm and cozy that way—and she’s a bit of a cuddle bug. Out of desperation I went upstairs and dug out Jube’s old clothes. I found a few of the warmer outfits that we had deemed a tad sissy anyway, and wore one of those on her. All four of her pairs of sweat pants are in the dirty wash.
At the moment I’m sitting at the picnic table soaking up as much outdoor nice weather as I can. For some reason right now I’m craving the outdoors and have been spending a lot of time out here. My freckles are abundant, but I’ve grown out of caring about them. Jube has been rediscovering the out side as well. I have to keep an eye on him or I find him threatening to put dirt into the gas tank on the car and that sort of thing. Otherwise, I love it when he plays outside. Havilah likes it out here too. She refuses to sleep for more than a half hour at a time so, since she woke up from her nap, I put her beside me and she’s happily playing with a toy elephant. Make that an airplane, she just flung the elephant.
I had an incident with my son on Friday that made me totally rethink my child training strategy. Actually, pretty much pitch it altogether. That’s okay, it wasn’t really working anyway. I was operating out of anger and ended up feeling like a terrible, awful mom and Dru had to keep reaffirming me all weekend so I’d believe I wasn’t a total loss. I think I can do this Mom thing maybe now after all, but I’ve taken a step back to watch my self and my little boy for a couple days.
I had this idea that Jube needed to obey me just because I am the Mom. Reason enough, right? Well, it just felt like a great big power show and since I’m not consistent enough—still working on that—and a bit of a pushover at times anyway, it wasn’t a very joyful experience being a Mom. Mike Pearl teaches a lot of the how of raising children…and I needed some why. For some reason, I was pretty sure that following his magic methods would work. (And although I still think he has got a lot of good to share with pushover moms like me, I need a step back from that right now.) I picked up the “Shepherding a Child’s Heart,” book and took a good look at my motives for wanting this kid to obey me. It comes down to realizing that my son is a sinner and the ultimate goal is to bring him to Jesus and put a desire in him to follow Jesus as he grows older.
I’m the kind of Mom who would see other kids acting up in public and I said to myself, “That child is too old to behave like that. When Jube get’s that age, he will not act like that!” A lot of incentive for having a good kid was to make sure he behaved well in public. No more of that. So if I appear inconsistent in my child training to you, now you know what’s going on. I refuse to publicly bully my little boy into obedience. It doesn’t save anybody’s face. I'm tired of that pressure! Very poor motivation for wanting an obedient child.
For some reason it hadn’t clicked with me that just because I can make him obey me now, doesn’t mean that somehow this will automatically make him want to follow Jesus. I’m sure I knew all that, but I didn’t feel it in my heart and understand what that really meant. I still don’t. I felt/feel so humbled! I had to realize again that I’m only a sinner saved by grace. I am truly nothing without Jesus. I feel like I’ve come nose to nose with this reality again and I’m so thankful. I’ve been spending more time in the Word too, and it’s been refreshing. I guess I’ve been learning that the love of God is faithful and kind, I just hadn’t anticipated learning like this.
Another thing about all of this is that I’ve realized how good my man is. When I told him what had happened with Jube, he forgave me. And as I spilled my heart he listened and talked with me. I heard myself telling him the things that he’s told me before. But he didn’t say, “I told you so!” like I might of. He just hugged me, held me while I cried, and helped me pick up the pieces. God is good.
So in one way, it’s been a hard weekend, while in another way, it’s been so good. I am thankful, so very thankful.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
The children are playing happily. Havilah just woke up from her nap. Jube is ready for his. I don’t have the heart to interrupt and put him down.
I just found myself in a complicated situation again. Dew came over and wanted to take Jube to her house for 10 min. to take pictures with him. I said no, even when her mom came down and asked too. (Her mom came down in search of her.) Havilah was sleeping and I didn’t want to wake her to go with them. When we first moved her I just had a bad feeling about Jube going to Dew’s alone. One of those, I can’t describe it but it feels bad in my bones, types of feeling. I still don’t feel real good about it and we’ve just decided that as policy, Jube doesn’t go to the neighbors alone. Anyway, I’m feeling bad for being such a worry wart but not feeling good about changing policy at this point. He’s only two! We haven’t been able to teach him all of the, “We don’t do this because we’re Christians and we love Jesus,” things. And what about his physical and moral safety? Every time this comes up again, I end up feeling bad, but not at all willing to “fix” it. Any input on this would be welcome.
Today I’m keeping my life pretty low key. I worked too hard the last few days and although it feels nice to have a cleanish house, it’s time to take it easy for a day. So I want to pot the flowers my man bought me last night and make a nice supper and do dishes, but that’s it. Oh, and I’d like to bake up the cookie dough in the fridge and take it down to Pii Phone and Nong Dew’s. It’s time to do that again and today would be a good day to reaffirm our friendship with them, considering previous events.
New Year’s resolutions are to learn the faithful loving kindness of the Lord. Not sure how to explain this one other than to say that right now I’m struggling with understanding how God can be just and also loving and I have concluded I don’t understand God’s love as I aught. This conclusion comes also because of the lack of faith I have in God in my personal life as it relates to family. So maybe I just want to grow in faith, but really, it’s more than that—it’s about trusting God’s love for me and my family in a personal way.
Also working on being more consistent about keeping caught up around here. Reading Amy’s blog on her resolution sounded scary close to my own. For me though, it’s taking care of things when I notice them. Not procrastinating. It makes a huge difference for me.
Oh, and another one. I want to give my man more back rubs and listen to the sound of his voice more. Maybe you could just say, I want to be sure to enjoy him. I get so busy with kids….you all know that story too.
Again, Happy New Year!