Pictures and Prayer Requests

The Lord really gave us some answers and a lot of peace when we were in Hot Yai a week ago. We are so thankful! Yet, we still have a few more answers we’re looking for. One of the things we’re working through right now is how long should we spend in the States, knowing we need to spend some time there. So we’re in communication with our home church on this issue now. Meanwhile, it’s hard to leave people here.

Mae Wahn is really struggling with letting us go for a long period of time. The idea of moving to Hot Yai was hard enough to get used to. She knows she can handle six months of us being away—but more than that? We are her family, this is hard, especially with her mom passing away this year. After telling her the other night that we could spend a couple years in the States, she seemed to get sad and quiet for the rest of our time together.

I told Mae Wahn that my prayer is that she would feel peace in her heart and direction in her own heart as to what we’re supposed to do. So that when we come to a decision, she could be at peace and know that this is right for us. I’m asking that you who pray for us, could pray for this for Mae Wahn too. Pray for her to be comforted and have peace—whatever God leads us to do.

We really don’t know how our next two years or more are going to play out. Please, pray for us, and our brotherhood back in the States, durring this decision process.

Let's play a table game...

Actually, as a general rule, I'm not much into table games. So I'm making one up that I think I'll enjoy much more. Here is my table. I'll tell you about it. Then you tell me about yours.

First off, the flowers are from my man because today is Thai Mother's Day. He also brought pizza home for supper.

The napkins I've collected over the years. I like cloth napkins. The silver napkin rings I found at a second hand store. Same as two of the cloth napkins and the bird cage.

The bird cage I've been threatening to paint white ever since I bought it but haven't done so yet.

Inside the bird cage are dried flowers from my mothers garden far far away in America. I have a collection of them, but am running out. They make me all happy and nostalgic. It's my mom who taught me about pretty tables. Go on over the Stone House Scribblings and you won't browse for long before you see one of hers.

The little yellow bird is from my sister Francis. I treasure it. Francis is one of my biggest prayer warriors as well.

The candle I bought at Hobby Lobby last time I was in the States.

My cousin Lorinda sent the JOY wall decor over with Joelle. For now it's on my table. Some days joy is a decision, and that's the truth! Thank you Lorinda. One day, if I ever get a chance I would love to sit down and have a lovely visit with you and pick your brain about motherhood, marriage, and life in general. You once wrote me a lovely email in response a blog I'd written. It meant a lot to me and I still remember how it spoke wisdom to me in such a good way. Thank you.

Last but not least is the little dish of sea shells and star fish. It was found on the beach last Sunday. A rain storm was whipping into Naratiwat that evening but I said I had to put my feet in the water. So they let me. Dru and Rennie came too, but ran for cover when the rain started coming. Dru had told me to collect some shells for the children. The sand stung my skin as the wind whipped it up from the beach. The rain started falling. I realized I really would have to retreat to the truck. But I still needed the shells for Jube and Havilah. I was so tickled and happy to find those three star fish as well. I could have stood on that beach and just let the rain soak me through and the sand sting my face and arms until it was over. Someday I will. I'll stand in the warm driving rain on the ocean beach while the sand zings about and the waves bring in treasures of shells and starfish--and know that God is big and I'm in his care. Because that's what I felt that day on the beach. I left very reluctantly.

So what are the stories on your table?

Psalm 3:3,4

 

“But You, O Lord, are a shield for me,
My glory and the One who lifts up my head.
I cried to the Lord with my voice,
And He heard me from His holy hill.”

About Grace I Guess

I don’t know how to start this blog post. I don’t know how vulnerable I want to be. I am vulnerable right now. Not overly stable. But I know it, and so does my man, so we’re dealing with it alright I guess.
Dealing with making a huge life decision while I battle through my fears, insecurities, and selfishnesses. I’m hoping that my feeling incredibly weak of brain and soul  and very dependent on the grace of God, is exactly where I’m supposed to be in this process. I wonder if this weakness I feel is a good thing or not. I mean, should Christians feel this way all the time—I mean, I don’t always feel like I have that sound mind I’m supposed to as a Christian. But I do battle the fear…lack the love…and the power… So while I feel pretty vulnerable, I realize I’m thrown smack into the mercy and grace of God because there’s nothing left.
I do realize that I can’t continue like this forever. I’m not sure if how I’m feeling is Biblical or not but thankfully God is bigger than my feelings.  I read Romans 8 the other night and it said that all of this is for a purpose and that I’m in good hands. My part is to walk in the Spirit and keep on. I was amazed at how many ways it says in that chapter that God has this thing, this “thing”, being me.
And us. My family. I don’t like to say it, but I was questioning it. I wondered what God was doing with us these past two years and why He didn’t give us clearer direction in the past. Where was He and did He really care about us in a personal way? Could I depend on Him for our future?My man said yes, and reminded me how God was there for us in the past two years and all the blessings He gave.
He did bless us. I can cry on two counts simultaneously. One, that it did feel so wandering and depressing for us. Two, that He did hand me personally so many good good things to see me through. There were times that Dru was pounding his head against a proverbial wall as he struggled through  work, relationship, and discipleship issues, and depression. There were feelings of failure for both of us. Weakness. Yet Hannah has been here to help us twice in the past two  years over the times that God blessed us with baby boys. Dru has been able to help support us with his job. Adam came to visit. Bob and Yai were baptized. Amy was here once. I got to go visit the States once. Dru’s teaching at School of Promise was a fulfilling and happy thing for him. God was good to us.
I shall now make a bold statement: I think that many young couples and newly weds move to the mission field—not because they are super spiritual—but because they are rather more naïve. This is not in anyway to minimize their calling. It is to say that it is very hard to count the cost when you have no idea what the price tag is. I’m pretty sure God does this on purpose sometimes, fully aware that He’s going to have to cover the difference with His grace. Did I know when I married Dru that I would be moving far, far away from everything I knew and held dear, other than him? Yes. Would I have prayed harder, and wrestled more with it, had I known all of the ramifications? Absolutely. However, the circumstances that precluded my courtship with Dru left me sure, without a doubt, that it was His will for me to marry that man. That can not be shaken in my mind, and for that I have been thankful many times. So my calling here is sure, but I came naïvely.
What does that have to do with  where we are at now? Well, for me the question is, now that I’m not naïve anymore, am I still willing to stay? Still willing to be where my man feels called? Still willing to find my calling along side of  his? Because now we’re at a crossroads and there are about three different options up in the air. The easy option for me does not seem easy for him, and visa versa.
But by the grace of God, I’ve come a ways from a month ago. We’re visiting Hot Yai this weekend to see what there is to see down there. Back to Hang Dong is another option. Then there is also Hayward. Truly, what we want most of all is peace and very clear direction as to the will of God for our family.