Monday, October 29, 2012

Regarding the Internet…

This is a post asking for input and wisdom from you.

We conservative people, have, for the most part, decided that TV isn’t worth it’s time. Why pipe it into your living area for us to have to flip through in order to find something half decent to watch? So we’ve pitched it.

Along comes internet and things get complicated. We find it almost necessary to live and operate in this modern world. Meetings and appointments are planned, cancelled, and even held online. For those of us on the mission field, it’s amazing to be able to talk face to face with family at home via skype.

But this doesn’t change the fact that I unfriended another of Dru’s facebook friends today. It doesn’t change the fact that the news sites flash dumb stories and maybe even adds. We find ourselves knee deep in stuff we don’t want to see and don’t by any means want our husbands to see, by an accidental click. We all know our husbands and men run into junk now and then because they’re honorable men and tell us. Even those of us with internet filters find junk now and then by accident.

But what am I going to do when my 3 year old is 14? Open communication is the key. We all know that. If we just get the internet out of our houses entirely, does that really teach our children how to deal with the real world? Yet, how come it’s okay to have this kind of media in our homes?

Facebook is a fun, amazing tool. But, when you’re in ministry, you have friends who are going post language and junk, and you have to see it. And then friends you thought you could trust post bad stuff. Is the answer a family Facebook page? How many teenagers are going to be enthralled with that?

I don’t have any answers. I want to grow kids that are sheltered from within. Kids that don’t look on sin and read junk just because they want to serve the Lord and be pure. Kids that are going to know how to handle temptations when they discover the real world. Actually, I want my kids to know about the real world as they grow up and know how to deal with it well. But I’m wondering—are we bringing the real world a little too close to us when we pipe it right into our  homes? Our homes that are supposed to be safe, nurturing places.

So, what has worked for your families? What are your house rules? And, if you’re brave enough, what hasn’t worked for your families? What would you do differently if you had it to do over again?

8 comments:

  1. One thing I've done is to be very, very careful who I friend on FB. Sometimes I feel unfriendly. So far we haven't run into anything bad. And if anyone ever blows it, they will be befriended immediately.
    But we are asking ourselves the same questions otherwise. And now it's smartphones and cell phones with internet acess; without a lot of good filtering systems yet.

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  2. I don't view Facebook as anything but a (shallow) social networking site.... So I don't accept friend requests (or send them) to people unless they meet these criteria:
    1 I know them personally and am actually friends with them.
    2 There is some real reason that I want to be friends on FB with them. (I don't care about my FB friend count)
    3 I know that unless their account gets hacked there is no way they will post objectionable material. (this eliminates folks I don't really know well, why do I want to be FB friends with folks I don't know well anyway?)

    Sure, we've had a few friends (incidentally relatives) who we 'hid' since they were constantly posting stuff we had no interest in, but really bad stuff? I've never seen it on my facebook. But we'd definitely have a "one strike, you're out" policy.

    My thoughts as of now are that my children won't have a FB account until they are of a responsible age (To be determined). And when they are, as long as they are under my roof I expect to be able to check it out whenever I like and approve their friends before they have them. I sound mean. Aren't you glad you aren't my child?

    So I could go on, but isn't this comment about long enough? And I'm not being critical of you guys at all, I'm just telling you how I look at it.

    ~GB

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    Replies
    1. Yes, Gabe, these are some really good guidelines for FB. Like the thoughts about being really picky about who we friend. However, FB is only a very small part of what I'm talking about. What do you/we do about other areas of Internet? --Lisl, using Frank's account.

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    2. Here's what we do, and we don't have teenagers at this point, but we are trying to get the right habits for when we do.

      Have a filter. That's a no brainer. My wife has the filter password. It just makes sense to us, she face less temptation than anyone in our home to view improper stuff, she holds the keys to this one, because I gave them to her. I don't have that password.

      Same goes for the phone. Anyone who has a phone with internet has to have the same standard with it as with the pc. My wife also has the password for my phones filter (which incidentally locks down my phone very well, I would be comfortable handing it to a teenager).

      I'm not really worried that I'll fall into sin with my computer or my phone, but I'm setting a standard for down the road that will show my children I'm being accountable just like I expect them to be. "let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall."

      No external control will do any good if you don't have your heart changed by Christ, and teach your children to walk in Gods ways.

      Personally I have learned over the past few years to do less pointless browsing of the internet. I have better things to do with my time and if there's no definite purpose to what I'm doing it invariably leads downhill. Even most news sites are a net loss, in my opinion.

      Okay that was long.

      GB

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  3. God hasn't changed. His standards will never change. And He promises that what He says in His word will work for every situation. What you said about insulating them from the inside is the best answer. It's the same thing we have to do for ourselves.
    Vigilance and prayer and action each for each and every occasion of the appearance of evil has to happen. No breaks till Heaven, guys. Dig in for the long haul. You've got what it takes. DO it!

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  4. I would strongly recommend having the computer your children/teenagers use in the living room where the whole family can see what they are looking at. Also restrict how much time any one member of the family can spend online everyday.

    Something the Wallers have advocated, and I agree, is to browse the internet only in search of something specific. That way, you will be less likely to stumble into--or be lured into--bad things.

    One thing that I find disappointing with internet news sites is that the so-called conservative press tend to have things that I find too racy for an old bachelor. It seems that they do so at a greater level than the mainstream media. For this reason, I avoid Fox news, the Washington Times, etc.

    I have cut back on You Tube simply because there are too many "suggested" video thumbnails that fall outside of what I find safe. Gospel music and old airplanes should be safe, but sadly some of the stuff that gets suggested to viewers of those videos isn't safe. That is sad, because there are certainly some neat things, but when it comes to choices...

    Yes, insulating oneself from within is important, but accountability is also important, especially for teenage boys.

    Even though I feel pretty safe personally online, I begin to find that it wears on me and I'd like to do more real things with my time. Give your kids plenty of opportunity to experience real things rather than only virtual reality.

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  5. I think you have to be careful with the internet just like with anything in life. It is a tool that can be used for good or for evil. You don't know me well, but when I am able to read your blog posts, I am able to pray for you. We would not be able to do that with the internet. You may not have been able to afford to mail a newsletter to everyone you know over here in the US, let alone the people that are just someone that knows your husband's family.

    I have been using the internet for quite a while now, and I have to say, that unless you go looking for it, the times I have accidentally happened on bad things have been few and far between.

    On FB, you do have to be careful whom your friends are. But, you also can instead of unfriending them, if you believe your posts may bless them, you can hide them off of your feed instead. That way, they can still be blessed by you without you having to see all they post.

    I have 2 teenage sons and two that are on their way to getting there, so I understand your concerns. Computers and the internet is here to stay and teaching them how to use wisdom and accountability when using it has been working better. Many computers have safe guards you can use as parents, however, don't be dependent on them. Check history on there and let them know you will.

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  6. This is a good question. When you get it all figured out, let me know. I have friends and family that are unconverted and they will post things that I do not approve of. Sure I could just unfriend them but then that is fodder for the 'holier-than-thou' accusation.If I hide them then I might miss something. So!
    I compare the internet in some ways to magazines. No, not smut, just something like Reader's Digest. You'll be reading some great real life story and flip the page and an indecent ad flashes at you. You can linger over it, or ignore it. Same thing for the computer. You can linger over it, or continue on with your work. Driving down the road you will see billboards. Walking down the street you see people dressed, or should I say, undressed. Being vigilant and on guard can help you see these things and still be able to have a pure heart and mind. Setting high standards for yourself, consistantly meeting them, and making adjustments when necessary is one good way to show your children what to do when they get to the age that they are aware of certain things to be avoided.
    I realize others may not be able to view it this way but that is between them and God.

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