Listening Well, Proverbs, and Verse Books.

Last night I was fuming in my kitchen—all by myself because I’d scared my man away when I  yelled and glared viciously snapped at him for turning down my music. I don’t blame him, I was a bear. I was stewing, wondering if I was the only good little Mennonite woman who sometimes feels like she’s just supposed to be fulfilled by doing dishes, raising kids, and washing laundry, mopping floors, and all of those things over and over and over and over. I tried to think about long term results and other stages of life that we’re working towards. It was NOT working. I was mentally blogging many eloquent words—strong and fierce words—about how we’re just expected, as women, to enjoy this sort of thing. I thought about confessing that there are times my home feels much more like a prison to me than a home. Lucky for all of you, three things happened since then that changed my attitude. (Yup, I am a fickle woman.) Oh, and I have made up with my man. He forgave me, as he always does.

Thing one that happened: I went into my air conditioned bedroom. I’m still dealing with the sticky heat totally derailing me and I don’t even realize what’s going on until I get out of it. It’s totally irrational sometimes. I just need to do a better job of realizing what’s actually going on. I’m warm. It will cool down one day (maybe) and until that day, I need to find ways to cope and be happy. And on those cool days, I need to tackle the big projects. In the long run, I don’t know what to do with this heat thing being such a big deal—but it I have to tackle it more gracefully than I have this summer.

Thing two: I just read my Mom’s latest blog post. (I hope you don’t tire of me linking to my mom’s bog, but I am still learning from her and strongly suspect this will never change.) I especially noticed how she said her and Dad have been listening to other people’s stories. I need to listen better. What do the other moms do when life feels like a pointless cycle? I need to stop spewing, even if it is just in mental blog posts, about how I feel trapped and life feels pointless. I’m pretty sure that there are a lot of Moms, who, like me have other dreams and hopes, totally out side of raising children and keeping clean houses. How do they handle these things? When is the time to lay aside other dreams, and when is the time to pursue them, even with the kiddos underfoot? I need to read more, listen closer, and make a point of shutting my mouth and listening when I’m with my friends, to hear what they do and handle life. I need to ask and listen. How do others maintain a eternal perspective reality, while maintaining a day to day reality?

The third thing I did? I just drank my coffee for the morning. A year ago I wouldn’t have been able to articulate cravings, outside of those associated with pregnancy, very well. Since returning from Thailand last fall, I have come to really appreciate my AeroPress coffee. Every day. I like it sweet, iced, and with plenty of milk. It is my happy thing. I’ve also come to understand why there are Moms who hide chocolate stashes where the children can’t find them. I periodically get strong urges for chocolate. What’s with that anyway?

So, I feel better now. My house is still needing the floors cleaned up and I have laundry to do. But what I really wanted to do was write. I’m beginning to think that I need to make writing a priority. Something in my brain feels better when I write. It keeps things tidy up there, I guess. So I will. Maybe it will help me feel purpose in life in those times when I feel like everything else is pointless cycle.

Right now I’m reading the book of Proverbs and the book of Matthew with Pii Yai, the lady I’m doing Bible Studies with. I found out something very interesting to me. While I enjoy Matthew, she enjoys Proverbs. While I struggle to understand whether or not Proverbs is true all the time, she is able to discern the difference between a principle and a promise. I think it’s a blessing that comes with being Asian. Who hasn’t heard a Chinese or Japanese, or yes, Thai proverb? While I feel yanked around, because the subject matter jumps from verse to verse, that doesn’t faze her so much. We got together last week and she had no questions about Proverbs, while I did. Her questions were in Matthew. I’m asking questions about why, if the Proverbs are true, there are Christians who suffer for their righteousness, rather than be rewarded. She’s wondering why Jesus spoke in parables. Unfortunately, we only got so far as discussing her questions. I’d still like to talk about mine with her some day. Until then, I have to ask Dru my questions, the same ones, every other day for a week, until I get it. I’m pretty sure one of the reasons God gave me the man he did is because he knew I’d need someone who didn’t mind saying something several times in several different ways until I finally get it.

Even with my failure feelings of last week, I think there is one thing I’ve done right with my kids. Especially with Jube. It was the creation of his verse book. It’s a scrapbook of the Bible memory we’ve done over the years. I was browsing through it this morning and realized that the verses that mean the most to him are the ones I dug out of my Bible, Proverbs no less, in desperation, trying to get him to understand something important. Proverbs 29:1 came out when I couldn’t get him to understand that there are certain kinds of play that just aren’t physically safe! “He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck, will suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy.” I debated about memorizing this one. It’s pretty harsh, but I was scared for him. He was three or four at the time and would scare the bejabbers out of me and the neighbors with his antics in the yard while I wasn’t watching at the time. We had this old rusty fence and gate that he’d crawl all over if I let him. The gate was pretty high and there were these long prongy rusty points on it. I lived in fear of him cutting himself open or impaling himself on them.However, he simply would not obey and stay down and way—until we got out the verse book and pasted a new verse in.

 

Proverbs 12:10 went in when we were dog sitting for friends. “A righteous man regards the life of his animal, but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.”  I always want to be careful with my use of the Bible when I train my children. I want the Bible to be the book they chose to live by as they grow up, not the big scary book Mom digs out when they’re bad. However, I’m thankful for the Word of God, and will continue to use it. That’s what it’s there for. See Second Timothy 3:16.

Havilah has a verse book too, but it is smaller with fewer verses. She’s been slower to memorize and even now she struggles to speak clearly. I’ve just now began to use her book more. Yes, the verse books have seasons, too. We’ll dig them out for a while, then then they get set aside for a while. But every time we dig them out again, I’m so thankful for them.

Now, I shall go get some laundry going and tackle my day. Thanks for stopping by.