Monday

I’m dragging today like I haven’t for several Mondays. Dru gave me a hug and asked me of I was okay. “I’m fine, I’m just having a Monday.” And he replied that I hadn’t had one of those for a few weeks. I haven’t really, not this kind of Monday. I finally just gave in. My house is very untidy and dishes need to be done. I’ll try to have the dishes done by tonight. Dru said he’d buy supper. I’ll pick up the pieces tomorrow. Today I rest.
We woke up to cold this morning. No, nothing like cold in Wisconsin, of which I’m used to. It’s an unhandy kind of cold. Just cold enough to make Havilah’s nose run and the floors too cold for her to play on unless I put a blanket down first. Still, she wanted to be held, just because it was warm and cozy that way—and she’s a bit of a cuddle bug. Out of desperation I went upstairs and dug out Jube’s old clothes. I found a few of the warmer outfits that we had deemed a tad sissy anyway, and wore one of those on her. All four of her pairs of sweat pants are in the dirty wash.
At the moment I’m sitting at the picnic table soaking up as much outdoor nice weather as I can. For some reason right now I’m craving the outdoors and have been spending a lot of time out here. My freckles are abundant, but I’ve grown out of caring about them. Jube has been rediscovering the out side as well. I have to keep an eye on him or I find him threatening to put dirt into the gas tank on the car and that sort of thing. Otherwise, I love it when he plays outside. Havilah likes it out here too. She refuses to sleep for more than a half hour at a time so, since she woke up from her nap, I put her beside me and she’s happily playing with a toy elephant. Make that an airplane, she just flung the elephant.
I had an incident with my son on Friday that made me totally rethink my child training strategy. Actually, pretty much pitch it altogether. That’s okay, it wasn’t really working anyway. I was operating out of anger and ended up feeling like a terrible, awful mom and Dru had to keep reaffirming me all weekend so I’d believe I wasn’t a total loss. I think I can do this Mom thing maybe now after all, but I’ve taken a step back to watch my self and my little boy for a couple days.
I had this idea that Jube needed to obey me just because I am the Mom. Reason enough, right? Well, it just felt like a great big power show and since I’m not consistent enough—still working on that—and a bit of a pushover at times anyway, it wasn’t a very joyful experience being a Mom. Mike Pearl teaches a lot of the how of raising children…and I needed some why. For some reason, I was pretty sure that following his magic methods would work. (And although I still think he has got a lot of good to share with pushover moms like me, I need a step back from that right now.) I picked up the “Shepherding a Child’s Heart,” book and took a good look at my motives for wanting this kid to obey me. It comes down to realizing that my son is a sinner and the ultimate goal is to bring him to Jesus and put a desire in him to follow Jesus as he grows older.
I’m the kind of Mom who would see other kids acting up in public and I said to myself, “That child is too old to behave like that. When Jube get’s that age, he will not act like that!”  A lot of incentive for having a good kid was to make sure he behaved well in public. No more of that. So if I appear inconsistent in my child training to you, now you know what’s going on. I refuse to publicly bully my little boy into obedience. It doesn’t save anybody’s face. I'm tired of that pressure! Very poor motivation for wanting an obedient child.
For some reason it hadn’t clicked with me that just because I can make him obey me now, doesn’t mean that somehow this will automatically make him want to follow Jesus. I’m sure I knew all that, but I didn’t feel it in my heart and understand what that really meant. I still don’t. I felt/feel so humbled! I had to realize again that I’m only a sinner saved by grace. I am truly nothing without Jesus. I feel like I’ve come nose to nose with this reality again and I’m so thankful. I’ve been spending more time in the Word too, and it’s been refreshing. I guess I’ve been learning that the love of God is faithful and kind, I just hadn’t anticipated learning like this.
Another thing about all of this is that I’ve realized how good my man is. When I told him what had happened with Jube, he forgave me. And as I spilled my heart he listened and talked with me.  I heard myself telling him the things that he’s told me before. But he didn’t say, “I told you so!” like I might of. He just hugged me, held me while I cried, and helped me pick up the pieces. God is good.
So in one way, it’s been a hard weekend, while in another way, it’s been so good. I am thankful, so very thankful.

These are my favorite little giggle boxes. I was going to upload pictures but this will have to do for now. This is one of their favorite things to do. Needless to say, Havilah was soaked by the time they were done.

It’s kind of funny, but I’ve been realizing that my children are becoming rather dependent on each other. Jube likes to know where Havilah is at all times. They play together well. I’m so glad.