Really though, I'm getting used to being bad. Getting used to getting sick at inconvenient times. Getting used to not living up to my own expectations. Getting used to not living up to other people's. One horrible pregnancy can teach you a lot. Thankfully, those days are over.
I think the hardest thing for me in those days was the guilt from not being able to appear and do with my husband as was expected. I missed countless prayer meetings. Dru ended missing meetings because I was morning sick/tired so much. Those were the nights that Dru stayed home to take care of Jube so I could rest. It got embarrassing. It felt like I was under a lot of pressure to be someone I just couldn't be at that time. (I heard later that yes, women such as myself do face cultural pressure here to function and run their homes a certain way...but that's a different story.)
I am SO thankful that those days are over. Praise the Lord!
Some day I'm going to post one of my journal entries from that period of time--just to see if other women ever feel "broken" inside like I did. But for now, I want to know, how do other women deal with life when they're emotionally and/or physically ill? What do you do when you can't face the outside world of church family and functions, and how is it received when you have to say, "No"? Or am I the only wimpy, incompetent woman on the globe?
I am really hoping all your followers will step up and answer this question. It's a good question and one I've asked lots and still ask lots. And I think my experiences would take too much room on here to relate. But I am going to ponder this subject a little while longer. God is working in me right now with this and I'd like to write out some conclusions sometime to clarify it all in my head. So just short answer for me.... I'll be back. In a tiny whisper I want to ask..."why do all the older women look and act as though this stuff is nothing and they've done it fine and how come they look so very competent? I wonder.....
ReplyDeleteThanks for answering Amy. And yes, please, will the rest of you share?
ReplyDeleteGood question, Lisl!
ReplyDeleteFor me, I find that by telling myself that my inability to perform as I normally would is only for a period of time. Pregnancy sickness doesn't last forever. The flu doesn't last forever. A colicky baby doesn't last forever. Post partum healing doesn't last forever. But all those things WILL slow us down and cause our "normal" to be overtaken with something abnormal. And that's okay. Handling the "abnormal" with gracefulness depicts a testimony far greater than what we realize in the moment. But I know it's hard... I never knew until I became a mom that a huge percentage of my life as a mother would be based on guilt. And then I realized that 10 years from now, whether I was sick or not today, I won't remember. But making the very MOST of what I have today WILL be all that matters in the future. We only have today once.
It's at times like these that it's good to sift out extras. Relationships that are draining, hobbies that are unnecessary, jobs that are just extra, etc., we all have our extras that sidetrack us. My #1 focus is always on my husband and kids; anything apart from that is just that: APART from my priority.
Keeping perspective is vital. I've found for myself that it's all about attitude. My hubby and kids are far more effected about my bad attitude over NOT getting all the laundry done than they are by not having clean laundry. Putting ourselves down in the dumps for not being able to meet the aspirations and goals that we may have, is a silly and emotional reaction. The reality is, we can NOT always perform as we want to: we're child bearing mothers and wives and the varying degrees of physical limitations in our lifestyle WILL demand that some things take a back burner just so we get through a day.
PBJ's and donuts for breakfast? I'd say you're doing awesome. That's a well rounded meal -- protien, carbs and filling. :) When I feel bad about what my kids eat when I'm sick, I just tell myself that at least they're eating far better than over half of the world. ;)
Last but not least, have a long discussion with your hubby about what he wants and expects from you. Sometimes we as woman heap so much on our plates because we think we have to. But then when we actually talk to our men, we find out they really have a good perspective on what is important to them and what they actually expect from us.
In the meantime, enjoy your little ones. Snuggle and play the day away. 10 years from now you'll give anything to have the "diaper days" back, as exhausting as it may feel now. :)
Hugs from one mother to another!
Hey, that's great Courtney! And I have to say, I am thankful for a man who takes good care of me. It is so hard to thank God for right now and not worry about what the rest of the world is thinking.
ReplyDeleteI have to almost ditto what amyjane said, although I'm maybe getting closer to being an "older" women. It's a question I've also been struggling with. My health is getting better then it was in my earlier years, but now Andrea's getting married and others could be moving out any time, and the others are growing up so fast. I also have a lot of questions, but need to rest in the fact that I did what I could, and that God uses all those things to mold them into who they are. It's hard to picture being in a different culture when those expectations are upon you. When I'm home, after major events (especially out of town singing) I know I have to take the next day to mostly rest. Right now for me it's depending on His guidance to know when I NEED to push myself some and when I need to just let things go and rest. On the road I have to keep going. There's a different aspect when it's a short term illness or even a pregnancy. The main thing is resting in HIm - know that he's in control of when we're sick, and the timing of a pregnancy and how sick we are with it - and to do what we can to feel better. :0)
ReplyDeleteMaybe sometime my thoughts along this line of thinking will pour out in a post, but for a short thought, I really think we have way too high of expectations (real and perceived) placed on us. People say, "Look at the women years ago and how they did it all..." but what they forget is that the women who "did it all" usually had a maid or two to help them.
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